Tears on the floor

 Today marks our first and last year at Tailem Bend. Yes, today is our last day.

So what’s happened? Nothing, actually,.. then why stop attending? We felt the call of God to do Latter Rain in Murray Bridge. But it’s not going to be church as we know it. 

I did pray about it one Sunday and got the verse, “As a bird wanders from its nest, so a man wanders from his place.” And if you know me, I always get the book, chapter number and verse number without knowing what the verse actually is, so I’m not making anything up. God wants me to leave because I don’t belong.

I don’t know if I was never meant to come or if I was supposed to be here for a year, but I know that I have to leave by Rosh Hashanah. Rosh Hashanah marks the beginning of a new year and a new season. New things are going to happen and there will be a lot of shifting taking place.

I’ve learned so much from this church. I don’t know if I was here for them or for me, but after finding out about the verse, to sharing it with Pastor Alisha to taking up our last few posts on schedule, it just to happened that today is our last week on schedule and next week is Father’s Day again — remember we first stepped into this church on Father’s Day? That was last year..

What I’ve learned the most is how to love people and that is truly life changing for me.

I wasn’t planning to cry in church today; and of course, I was to tell no one that we were leaving. But before church started, Belle asked if I was okay, but you know, it was the way she asked,… she probably knew we were leaving as she’s in the worship team and her daughter has to fill in for Elisha. But she probably wanted to hear it from me so when I said yes, she would reply, “Are you sure?” And looked straight into my eyes. That’s what good friends do, right? Sigh 😞 I could barely hold it. After pushing it, I just had to turn away and head off because I didn’t want to create a scene.

But back behind the keyboard, it was a waterfall. Elisha caught it and was like, “This was all your idea.” He never wanted to serve in this church in the first place. Now I’m paying dearly for it. 

Joan walked over, asked if I needed a hanky. I realized I already had one (wait, how did that get in my pocket?) and pulled it out. But then gave her a hug and cried on her. (Whoops.)

Worship was really about to start anytime soon and the count down was to begin but it was only now that I’ve managed to sort of pull myself together and was trying so hard to do so when Pastor Tim conveniently walks up to me like he purposely wanted to screw it up and said, “We’ve really missed you guys.” Oh, this is all Belle’s fault. My tears welled up in a split second I was like, I thought I was done drying those. And now I’ve to pray they don’t turn into a waterfall just before the worship. And he had to say it like three times. I just looked up at him with those teary eyes and nodded. Not a whimper, Anna, or you’ll burst. Terrible Tim.

Spend the next few worship songs playing, every now and then trying to really focus but then up losing focus and tearing up and then sucking it up again. Oh well. Evidence that a human is playing the keys, not AI. Then a thought came to me, “Jesus wept.” And I know why He went in the Garden of Gethsemane. He was going to miss them all.